Our teenagers can easily end up in a rut where they get used to doing the bare minimum, when it comes to school (and life).

One of the mums I worked with used to summarise her son’s general approach to studying (and life…) in Year 9 with these three letters: ‘CBA’ which stood for ‘Can’t Be Arsed’.

Now these - unbelievably in some ways! - are some of my favourite teens to work with… because they’re actually thinking about life. They’re assessing what’s worth it and what’s not. They’re deciding what they’re in for and what they’re not. It’s a time of high stakes with everything to play for!

When I got into this work this was what excited me the most - and it still (somehow!) excites me to this day… The challenge of justifying school and life as we present it to teenagers to the teenagers themselves.

Finding life meaning and purpose, basically, even in our wretched education system, wretched political system, wretched environmental situation etc.

Few would want to be in my position, I suspect, but for me it is thrilling to enter this fray with a teen. It’s my equivalent of walking into the lion’s cage or climbing 100ft up without ropes.

In my opinion, it is the real zone that we need to go into, as teachers, parents and coaches, with our young adults and very few of us do. We need to know how to get in there in order to build trust and connection with our children, to empower genuine intrinsic motivation in them, to help the young adult individual find themselves and have them taste true personal agency and fulfilment, perhaps for the first time, so that they never look back.

These teens aren’t just doing what they’re told - although that would be SO much easier, right?!

Far from it in fact, they’re swaggering into the room fully loaded with cynicism, sarcasm, criticism, blame, judgement, scorn… you name it! They’ve got a contrary opinion about everything we hold sacred, they’re in the process of finding themselves and their truth and they are far from convinced by our leadership, world and offers to them.

I have come to understand the teenage brain and way of thinking in an intuitive way as well as anyone you know and I can completely understand (and relate!) to their conclusion - CBA! - from my own vantage of a lifetime of considering the true value of our education system and exploring all the bigger questions our youth has around school and life meaning and purpose in this day and age.

What really IS the point? It’s a GREAT question!

If you want to get to real intrinsic motivation I think you HAVE to ask it, it’s THE question to be asking…

Now when I meet a teenager who ‘can’t be arsed’ in school, I’m pretty confident that also means that they can’t currently be arsed in life either.

Usually the two go together. It’s more a general lifestyle choice than a targeted rejection.

At this point they need some fundamental philosophies clarifying for them and they need it NOW!

Because how we each do our Maths at school, for example, is most likely how we do life.

Engagement, willingness and commitment tend to breed more of the same.

Same as apathy, passivity and flakeyness…

That’s why there is SUCH an opportunity at this age and stage to reinvigorate a student in LIFE, using Maths GCSE as the vehicle… because the subject opens up everything I want to teach them anyway around purpose in life in general through the YFA ‘7 Petals of Life Purpose’ which are: Vision, Mindset, Belief, Relationship, Generosity, Lifestyle and Work.

Without someone getting in the ring with them and wrestling with purpose our teens are all too readily boxing themselves in with this cheap philosophical standpoint - CBA!

It’s a hiding place, not what they hope might turn out to be a platform for greater self-realisation and a better life.

It’s an avoidance of responsibility, not what they hope will turn out to be a brave stand for a deeper truth.

And it’s ultimately a (self-)destructive force not a creative one.

So when I meet a young adult who is hiding from their authentic brightness, suffocating simple joys in life and dulling their natural capacity to be of benefit in the world I am thrilled to be there to do battle with them… in the most loving way!

I want them to see (and experience) where the real gold is…

Henry Dingle

Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 20 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.

He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.