Liberation - from Maths Misery to Love of Learning & Life!
One thing I’ve seen about Maths, in my 25+ years of teaching it to young adults, is that everyone enjoys it when they can do it.
On the flip side, many students also hate it with a passion though, because they can’t (yet) do it.
Maths is one of only two ‘Universal Languages’ for all of humanity. It is that basic to all of us, wherever and however we live on this planet, no matter who we are. (The other one is Music)
Maths is SO essential to us humans, so built-in to our way of using our minds, of thinking, of communicating with each other and of interacting with the world, we don’t even realise it.
That’s why we do ALL get such a kick out of it when we CAN do it.
We are born to juggle numbers and quantities and calculate amounts in our minds (and on paper), and to engage in intellectual and conceptual problem-solving challenges, the like of which Maths is filled with.
But of course it is not naturally or immediately like this for everyone. It is not a playground by any stretch or remotely ‘fun’ for so many of our kids and for some it even becomes like a hell realm, ‘a living nightmare’ for their child as one parent recently put it, because - it seems - they/we cannot do it.
And yet… we HAVE to do it! And for years on end in this system!! Until finally… schools, institutions and systems release us from their cold clutches so that we can go off and be the best versions of ourselves in the world WITHOUT needing to study Maths…. (phew!)
I used to think of this system as unequivocally cruel to students who don’t like - and can’t easily do - Maths.
And it is, but that’s really not the full story.
I have seen, over my decades of teaching Maths to teens, such magnificent empowerment, such unmistakable personal growth and such glorious pride and deep personal self-confidence - and joy even - emerging from the ‘lost cause’ / nightmare that was their dire relationship with Maths at the point when I met them.
Endlessly feeling shut out of some kind of in-joke, not getting something everyone else seems to understand instantly, feeling stupid, not having the faintest idea what the basis of this horrifying language is and not understanding why they have to continually engage in this miserable and pointless pursuit.
I get it! And many of our teens stay stuck at this point, in this frankly excruciating relationship with Maths and for the duration of their schooling careers - 10+ years of soul-destroying soul destroying.
Many of our kids are so offended by the grief this subject has caused them already - often well before they’re even 10 - they will do anything to repel it. They are entrenched in their position of: hate, can’t do, won’t do, don’t care (go away!).
And yet… they find themselves in our UK schooling system, year after year, going to school to do Maths more than anything and then finally needing to get a GCSE in Maths, or else - apparently - they literally can’t proceed in life. I met one sibling who thought that her brother literally wouldn’t have any future if he didn’t get his 5 GCSEs as a home ed student (He got them - we worked together for 4+ years). But that’s the extent of the perceived threat many feel, parents and students alike. Ridiculous I know, but still a fact.
As I shared with one of my students the other day, spontaneously, it’s a bit like ‘We’re All Going on a Bear Hunt’.
I asked him if he’d read it? He cringed of course but also grinned knowingly. His challenge is Chemistry. I don’t teach Sciences per se but I am a mindset coach for life and for all subjects and academic pursuits. I told him that I had never met a student who had found a short-cut in Chemistry, a way of just not fully doing the considerable amount of work required to do well (and enjoy it).
Well - he knew what was coming next and his knowing grin returned - You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it (you can’t go round it, you can’t ignore it, you can’t avoid it, you can’t wish it away, you can’t just hope) YOU’VE GOT TO GO THROUGH IT!
If you don’t know this book, apologies, but if you have read it you’ll know what I’m getting at.
I am on a beautiful slow but steady journey right now with a young man who really had rock bottom confidence when it came to Maths. He was completely empty. Shell-shocked but still somehow standing. His older brother had a similar thing and we/he triumphed BIG TIME in terms of personal growth, confidence and just his raw grade attainment in a subject that was the bane of his life. He got a heroic 7. And was disappointed in the end not to get an 8, but the touchpaper of his motivation, confidence and drive to succeed had been lit.
The younger brother, my current student, when I first started assessing him, would learn how to do something in a session, something like simultaneous equations, and then the next week he’d be back with absolutely no clue. He had very little memory or recall of how we had done it previously and a strong mental, emotional and physical reaction - a deep, palpable, visceral groan - that he was back in this same position again, with that same ghostly feeling that he’s endured for years now in relation to this subject.
Luckily for him, and for me, this is exactly the work I do! These are exactly the survivors that I help, and have been helping for way longer than he’s been doing Maths, way longer than he’s been alive even!
Maths is the ideal vehicle for me as a teen mindset and motivation coach because it brings up everything.
For me you can’t teach it without first of all throwing your students a lifeline in the form of emotional regulation - understanding their fears and anxieties - mindset training so that they stick at it and don’t run for the hills or plunge their heads back in the sand and then specific and repeated guidance in how to process effectively, how to operate their minds better, working all the way from question to answer, slowly, in a happy, relaxed and open way, careful and considered and ultimately reliable, taking their time to get it right at each stage and only then proceeding.
Aside from the raw subject content - which I love to teach too - AND the emotional, mindset and processing aspects, there’s also every other aspect of the challenge of enabling students in a subject that they are usually already ‘behind’ in.
Things like:
Self-discipline - (the only way is THROUGH it !)
Structures and routines - what needs doing by when, and systematising it so it gets done
Scheduling - if it’s not in the diary / calendar / wallchart it’s not going to happen
Healthy Habits - reasonable bedtimes, sensible wake up times, habit stacking exercise, revision times, phone
Lifestyle Choices - maybe not being the last back from the party every weekend in Y11?
Friendship Groups - are these people you want to end up being like? Do they bring the best out of you?
Parent Relationship - helpful influences or not so helpful? What could that support better look like?
So even though Maths is a ‘mountain’, it is also just the tip of the iceberg for me.
Underneath it is the stuff we really want our teens to get to, the stuff that makes all the difference for them to learn and step into, lifelong.
Yes, let’s get them out of paralysis and perceived incompetence in Maths and into enjoying it because they finally can do it, but also so much more…
Happy Half Term to you all, you can book a call with me for a chat if you’d like to discuss getting coaching support for your teen. Book a call here.
Henry
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Henry Dingle
Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 25 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.
He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.
