One Simple Parenting Tip - Get the Best out of your Teen

Phew, busy week carving my way through Half Term in all ways, surfing down here on holiday in Cornwall and managing the wild dynamics of life out of the water too, in family, with work and in general.

So I’ve got just one brief - but incredibly liberating and powerful - parenting take away for you from my week:

It’s simply just to say ‘Yes’.

Say ‘yes’ to your teen (or a child of any age) that you may have been clashing with.

It’s not a blanket yes to everything of course, some boundaries you may have to and feel you need to uphold. But your yesses need to outweigh your nos!

Sometimes we get stuck controlling, digging our heels in, preventing, blocking, denying, making life difficult and painful for our teen (and for us) when really we all badly need to release the pressure valve and get back in alignment; to be on the same team again, to have some fun together, to feel close and connected, not trapped in distance, resentment and moodiness the whole time.

Saying yes to whatever small concession it is that they may want can really soften the dynamics, open up hearts and minds and ease the way to the results you may be hoping to see in them: more balanced decision making and healthier lifestyle choices on their part, more natural maturity and dignity in their self-leadership and more authentic stepping up for responsibilities.

If Half Term’s been hard for you, just ease off for these last few days and head into the next term with a lighter load by being more allowing.

Try saying ‘Yes’ spontaneously and to random small things first - it’ll bring back your teen’s sense of being seen and heard, respected, empowered, entitled (in a good way…) and able to make decisions for themselves.

Ultimately, it is their life to lead and they need to learn how to do that themselves, how to make their own choices, how to learn from their own mistakes and how to form their own opinions and stances not to be forced to accept and inherit ours prior to their own investigations, considerations and experiences.

I know this is one of the magic ingredients in my way of relating to young adults who are in my coaching programme and to my own children too.

My constant questioning with my students and my own kids is basically around the single central question of, ‘what do YOU want?’

What do you want… to do?

What do you want… to work on today?

What do you want… to celebrate from this week?

What do you want… to focus on over Half Term?

What do you want… to get done this week?

What do you want… your parents to say or do?

What do you want… to do for sixth form?

What do you want… to do for your future work?

Also I want to know what THEY THINK (about everything we get into discussing)

All my questions are prompting them to think about what they want for themselves and for others, to cultivate a vision for their individual and collective future and to get to know who they really are and be able to practise making clear decisions one way or another. So that they can then also see the consequences of those decisions down the line and learn from them, adapt and grow with each experience of having this actual responsibility to make the call either way.

Of course you need to be careful not to put them on the spot too much, not to ask too many questions or burden them with insecurity or self-doubt for not knowing any of the answers yet.

But boy do they need this kind of ‘practice’: to be around people who they like and feel safe and open with and who are like this with them, who can draw them out - the original meaning of the word ‘educate’ by the way, ‘to draw out’ - interesting, huh?

Want to chat with me about the possibility of me coaching your teen? You can book in for 15 minutes this week right now here: Book a call

And when you ask your own kids what they want and they tell you, of course now you can try saying ‘yes’, if at all possible, when your instinct might be more inclined to ‘no’.

Final tip: if you actually can’t give them what they want, for whatever reason - too expensive, not appropriate, not practical, not advisable, not fair, not safe etc - try ‘giving them in fantasy what they can’t have in reality’. Eg “Oh that would be so amazing if we could all just go to Bali today!” or “Imagine if we just sat here and ate all 4 tubs, just the two of us!” etc.

Alright, that’s it for this week, have a great, fun, open and connected weekend and first week back at school with your kids.

Lots of love,
Henry

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Henry Dingle

Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 25 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.

He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.