Reaching Teens - trade secrets revealed!

Sometimes for parents of teens it seems like there is nothing we can do.

All we can do is stand back and watch our child make a complete mess of their opportunity, their potential and their future.

Our ‘kids’ - who are now in adult bodies, are very often scared.

They’re hiding, pretending, hoping, avoiding…

Hiding - They’re hiding from the reality that they’re just not going to do well in their GCSEs unless they change, step up, learn new habits, apply new levels of self-discipline and grow in maturity.

Pretending - They’re pretending to themselves and everyone else around them that they’re going to be fine, they’ve got a plan, they’re going to pull a rabbit out of the hat, they’ve got this (of course).

Hoping - They’re hoping it’s all going to magically come together for them without them having to really do anything differently or address the issues that they dodge on a daily basis.

Avoiding - They’re avoiding responsibility (and with it independence and freedom they truly crave); they’re avoiding getting down to any meaningful work, each day the possibility slips away and they truly don’t know what to do about that.

So… they just throw themselves into all manner of distractions they can find - just like we all have at one or many points in our lives, procrastinating furiously to block out the truth. They indulge in unprecedented levels of sport, gaming, socialising, creating petty dramas in their friendship groups or in school, anything to spare them from the responsibility they know they need to confront but somehow just can’t.

And us parents, like I say, we find ourselves simply unable to contribute in any meaningful, positive or productive way.

If we so much as mention it or do anything to help, we get instantly blocked out. Our teen reacts with a raging rejection, defiant defensiveness, alarming aggression, bare-faced bravado or whatever they can muster to keep out the truth, to stay in their cosy denial, to not be shown up or confronted by anyone - least of all by mum or dad - that they really are on course for disaster and are stubbornly, obstinately, belligerently sticking to their guns.

What a situation, eh?

And yet it’s so common,

What on earth can we parents do about this appalling state of affairs?

Our child’s love, well-being and future seemingly right on the line at this pivotal moment in their schooling careers and all-round identity formation and development?

Must we just sit back and watch?

Do we just let it happen?

Is that really the only option?

The worst part is that even though they are fully obnoxious to be around right now, we are labouring away to find solutions because we fear so much how they will react and feel about their apparently inevitable academic failure come grades time.

I meet families in this situation every week and we often conclude that there is nothing better the parent can do than to delegate, to find someone else who can do what we blatantly can’t in so many cases at this age and stage.

Someone who can reach our child, someone who can get through to them, reassure them, help them think through their choices rather than just bouncing from pillar to post in a spiral of defiance, defensiveness and denial.

I’ve spent the last 25 years putting myself in front of teenagers to do exactly this and I’ve learned a lot.

I’m looking forward to teaching others how to do what I do and I’m always passing on to parents some of the skills I’ve learned and am still learning to help you all in your relationships, your family lives and your life journeys too.

For some of the families I work with it feels like a miracle the results we can get and yet for me it is often so simple.

Not easy, but simple.

Here’s what I do, which I highly recommend you bring into your parenting style and approach:

I build trust

I give choice

I help them relax, all is fundamentally well and everything is open and possible

I help them feel safe (from judgement, from agenda) and completely accepted as they are

I listen

I empathise

I ask questions (And listen and empathise)

I validate them and their opinions

We have fun together

We laugh

We connect in as authentic a way as possible

I help them make plans (their plans)

I help them set genuine and realistic goals (their goals)

We find enjoyment and satisfaction in the work and make progress in Maths & English

We explore self-discipline and bring in some levels of accountability and transparency

We find purpose - aka meaningful activity - in school and at home

We discuss and open up ‘random’ (relevant) topics that they bring to the call or happen to mention

We clear the cache of whatever’s troubling them and find solutions to help them move on

Like I said, it’s not complicated, but from what I can see there are very few people that can actually do it and do it well, relate in this way that young adults really enjoy and are nourished by, parents, teachers, tutors, coaches, a surprisingly small number…

Give it a try yourself or give me a call ;)

I’m right here and have some time next week if you’re curious to have a chat about the possibility of me working with your teen.

Click here to book your FREE 15-min chat

Wishing you a great weekend, with or without your kids!

Henry

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And to find out more about our programmes and offerings, please visit our website at www.youngfireacademy.com

Henry Dingle

Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 25 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.

He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.