The Tears of a Class Clown
The problem with becoming the 'class clown' is that you pit yourself against a system that cannot be beaten and won't be changed one jot by your youthful rebellion.
I have a student who's just been suspended for the first time from his new school - he was excluded from the old one in January of this year.
He got suspended because he didn't like how he was being spoken to or treated.
Now I'm with him, I must say. I am naturally kin with the rebels, the disruptors and the change-makers - maybe why teenagers adn I get along so well :)
Never have been a school teacher never wanted to be one!
And I make sure I tell them all this, as part of establishing a completely different kind of relationship with them.
Although, as it happens, I have recently started working in my kids Montessori Secondary here in South Wales. I couldn’t resist working with my own kids and their awesome peer group so I now teach Maths and mentor them a few hours a week in the mornings.
But there's no punishment system there, there’s no need. The kids don’t need controlling because there is a strong and held, mutually respectful culture between teachers and students that everyone upholds and appreciates.
In a conventional, mainstream schooling setting though, state or private, in my experience, no one ever wins this battle against the rules, the teachers or the system in general.
No student ever comes out better off for fighting this fight. They just become exhausted and defeated and it leaves its mark on them all.
So I'm staunchly anti-war when it comes to student infractions of this kind. It’s a hiding to nothing and better embraced as a great invitation to learn some skill in terms of how you navigate these kinds of environments.
My only focus in working with any young adult is them, that single individual, the student, the teen. They are all I care about. And I tell them that repeatedly too.
If I can help them feel good - feel more aligned with what they're doing each day, feel more purpose in school and out of school, find more meaning in the world and in life - everyone else around them, parents especially, will benefit and get what I trust they ultimately wanted from bringing me in in the first place: greater harmony and connection in the home, less need to fuss and fight amongst each other, less stress more success, better engagement, enjoyment and grades, better prospects, better life now and into the future, less worrying and clashing and more fun and closeness in general for everyone in the family.
I'm employed by parents for all kinds of reasons - motivation, mentorship, tuition, family relationship management - but I never deviate from my single focus of maximum empowerment of the teenager: total love, support and commitment to helping them get to where they want to be, mentally, emotionally, physically, knowing that everything the parents and anyone else also want flows from there.
The challenge for me, as a coach, is to help this student, and others like him, to shift his identity from someone who instinctively wants to lob stones at and square up to the system, one that can be, let’s be honest, highly provocative when you’re on the wrong side of it, and has been specifically designed to control large numbers of adolescents, as ours for sure has.
My job is to help this young man - and all others I'm currently working with - to spare themselves from any further self-destruction; to find an identity which helps them win, one which genuinely serves, nourishes and nurtures them, both in the short and long term.
As Socrates said the first step towards true wisdom is to, 'know yourself' and this is a big focus and desired outcome for the YFA programme for any students that pass through it: that they become more self-aware and, as a result, more self-confident.
'Young Fire Academy' is so named because of the twin aspects of fire that I have long recognised in teenagers. Fire is one of the most universally admired, sacred and enchanting things we know and simultaneously it can be so potently aggressive, so harmful and so wild and out of control.
School is not the place for the latter aspect of the teenage / human spirit to play out. There isn't going to be any institutional change on the back of our passionate actions, so it's nothing but self-inflicted doom for the rebel child when they get into this vicious loop of fighting the system. Eventually it's just submit / align or see ya.
That's the only outcome for repeated misbehaviour and I don't wish involuntary suspension or expulsion on anyone.
These bright, strong-principled, vibrant, creative, often neurodiverse, natural leaders are also basically thrown under the bus by their more discerning and strategic classmates. This is one of the traps I want my ‘class clown community’ to be aware of:
The rest of the class often loves it when the clown dare say or do what they never would - like a true artist, breaking down barriers, boldly speaking up and smashing taboos! They use the class clown rightly as an ideal spokesperson (and as much needed entertainment and relief from the atmosphere, culture and dynamic of subtle or overt oppression) but never pick up the tab themselves, they're all too canny for that. The buck never stops with them, only those unwise enough to take on this role.
But the class clown, doesn't get it, again and again, they get drawn into confrontation with authority, nobly - in a way - representing everyone's grievances and receiving great encouragement, street cred and - most of all - acceptance for doing so.
But it is a tough identity for any young person and a terrible trap for any young adult in our education system.
It comes with way more pain, confusion and consequence attached to it than the glamourous highlights reel that become the stuff of schoolboy legend ever lets on. It's a high price to pay for some and a whole life can be changed of course through getting stuck in this groove for too long in these deeply formative years and experiences.
My student was just enjoying another day in school on a Thursday, keeping his head down and participating as best he could after a week of receiving praise from the teachers for his overall behaviour and demeanour. And then within 5 minutes of being asked to put his blazer on he had got himself suspended. First a ‘BLT 3’ (or whatever they call it) for saying he’d put it on in class and then a BLT 6 for refusing again.
Having thought about this for decades, my conclusion, as a natural rebel, is that it’s better to learn to be clever enough to know how to play the system, in order to survive or even thrive in our mainstream school system.
It doesn't mean liking all of it, supporting all of it or approving of all of it.
It just means knowing how to look after yourself within it.
Staying focussed on what's going to work best FOR YOU and not indulging or getting distracted by any other more destructive urges and allures.
What's going to make the student happiest, most successful in the broadest sense and most likely to have everything they need to build a great life on the back of this educational journey? That’s what I want to know.
How can they start to see school as just an opportunity? Imperfect, yes, flawed, certainly, cruel, undoubtedly, but also full of opportunity for any individual who can be open to these aspects of it - no doubt.
So with my student on Thursday this is what we concluded:
That he'd have a week of total compliance with the uniform regulations - wearing his black school shoes with no branding (not his trainers), shirt tucked in, tie straight, blazer on. Just to have an easy week, show respect and to stop the war.
Also I wanted him to be ready for all his peer’s questions, possible excitement and intrigue over his suspension and to play it right down with them; to move on as quickly as he can from it, show as little interest in it as possible and just pour water on the fire of resentment towards any of the teachers or the school for what they did and how it all played out.
Just to let it all go and move on is much easier and much better - FOR HIM.
One thing’s for sure, I wish all class clowns could have coaching. Someone in their corner who can reach them and help them see a way where they could start aligning better with school, feeling good about themselves again and stop wasting their power and energies fighting this futile fight.
I am here in loving support of our brilliant and potent youth always, especially the characters, the independent thinkers, the natural leaders, rebels and disruptors - those are my kind of people and my favourite students to work with! ❤️
If you’re not already a member of our awesome Young Fire Academy Parent Community Group on Facebook, come join us! Get support from me and other like-minded parents who are on this journey too.
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Henry Dingle
Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 20 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.
He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.
