I remember seeing my 3 year old daughter through the window of our house in Sweden, chatting over the fence with a great friend of mine at the end of the garden and having the simple thought, ‘ah, I should go out and join them…’

My instinct was to go and facilitate this beautiful connection in some way, make sure they were both ok, coordinate or participate in any way that I could and generally be present also to enjoy this delightful-seeming exchange.

But I stopped myself.

In that moment I recognised that I wanted to prioritise giving my kids away to trusted others, letting them receive the fullness of someone else’s influence into their lives, at all ages, and finding the best mentors and role models that I could (and still can) for them to engage with.

It’s so profound and impactful, the coaching space and relationship, with the right child or the right teenager for this reason.

We keep our children ‘safe’ from other adult influence at our peril.

It is truly harmful to children and society if we cannot ultimately trust anyone to be part of our ‘village’ in this way and I fear that the media drives us endlessly in this one direction, away from trust and togetherness and into fear and avoidance of one another.

And boy does this make the job of a parent harder!

Many of our teens are already hopelessly isolated, children living in private family units without many of the necessary outside influences, role models and guides that they absolutely require for a happy and healthy development.

In my opinion, we would all do well to ‘give our kids away’ as safely and as often as we can, especially once they are teenage and actively seeking this reassurance and inspiration for themselves, and encourage them to have this life (increasingly) away from us.

This week has been phenomenal for me in my last week of coaching before we go surfing for Half Term. Every single call I have had with my latest batch of young adults has been right on point and completely validating of the approach I’ve learned to take: relationship first, based on authenticity, fun and connection and then, in time, taking action, building a vision and a plan and bringing in accountability and follow-through.

It’s thrilling work to be involved in and so easy really, for me, to relax in the company of teens that can of course be so awkward, to gift them this sanctuary where they can just be themselves and be validated by me all the way, asking them the right questions that can unlock some of their true intrinsic motivation in school and in life.

A typical coaching conversation framework might look something like this:

What’s on your mind currently?

What do you want to focus on this week?

How are you going to do that?

When and where are you going to do it? (if there’s a specific action)

How will you remember to do it? (alarms, reminders parents)

What’s most likely to stop you from doing it? (I’m waiting for them to say: ‘my phone’...)

How can I help you stay on track, if at all? Do you want to message me each day when you’re doing it?

And how will you feel when it’s done?

So powerful for our children to engage authentically in this process.

To be listened to, to be trusted, to be given the time and space to think and clarify what they actually want, to be taken out of all game-playing and adult-imposed agenda and simply asked by someone they know, like and trust what they want? What they want to do and why and then to go for it!

Simple and yet profound (and rare!)

Happy Half Term everyone!

P.S. And the best thing about it? The teen usually wants to address what the parents also came to me about in the first place.

Usually the very thing that the parents wish would change - less phone, more work, better lifestyle choices, more responsibility, more confidence socially or otherwise, more independence - is what the teen also realises they need to work on but can’t find a way to get do it without first having this safe space and relationship to come to this realisation for themselves.

If you’re not already a member of our awesome Young Fire Academy Parent Community Group on Facebook, come join us! Get support from me and other like-minded parents who are on this journey too.
Click here to join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/youngfireparents/

Henry Dingle

Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 20 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.

He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.