Y11 Easter Holidays Family Carnage - survival guide
This past week in the Young Fire Academy parent and teen community has been WILD…
Emotional dramas in one teenage student due to friendship stuff & revision anxiety
Marijuana vapes under another teen’s pillow as he struggles to attend school
Screen / gaming addiction wreaking havoc in another student’s carefully planned sleep schedule and revision routine
Hand suddenly in a cast for 6 weeks for one pianist after breaking her fingers in a netball match
I have long thought of the community of families I support as a microcosm of the world’s collective dynamics, like a looking glass that shows me what’s really going on for everyone… and it seems to be pretty crazy out there folks!
Not for everyone of course, some are fresh back from skiing holidays, feeling great and ready to tackle their Maths demons with me - surds, simultaneous equations and fractions - and others are just heading off on their school trips having just got the best Science and English test results they’ve ever had. Some of us are just chilling reading poetry and discussing essay plans in response to exam style questions…
But for many it’s been a turbulent, tumbling and tumultuous entry into the Easter Holidays.
With teens in Year 11, this is like a ‘rite of passage’ holiday for you all. All this time to revise, all these hopes for how much is going to get done, unrealistic expectations often and some underwhelming expectations and plans too… it’s hard for many of us parents to know how to play it.
What do we do, crank up the intensity and fuss around them for three weeks straight or just try not to think about it and avoid them altogether?! There’s nothing we can do after all, it IS up to them (and trying to help only seems to provoke and lead to further conflict).
Well, it might be helpful timing for me to repeat some of my basic GCSE parenting maxims, gleaned from watching countless other families, these past 25 years, go through this extraordinary process (and come out the other side).
First thing I would do: Prioritise your relationship above all else.
Nothing good comes from fighting about it. Speaking up powerfully and resolutely and at the right time, yes, but just falling out due to the stress of it all, lashing out with punishments and escalating something that’s already heightened is no fun for anyone and mostly draining, confusing and ultimately unproductive.
Secondly, manage your own emotional state.
Our teens don’t need our stress on top of what is already an inhumane level of pressure for many. They need us to step into our A Game of peace, safety, kindness, compassion, empathy, tolerance and understanding. No need to shout about it, just talk about it instead, openly and caringly, giving a consistent message periodically about what you think they should be doing, then just leave them to it (for at least a few days, before trying again!)
Thirdly, patience is going to be needed.
Don’t give up on them on day one, wait and see if the revision plan and the commitment to a good sleep schedule kick in a few days into the holidays after a bumpy start. After all, the only way any of us learn is through experience. Let them get it wrong for a bit and then watch them bounce back of their own accord. All our kids have had a long term and they no doubt need a few days of ‘holiday’ - some fun and some freedom to stay up late - before they get going with their revision plans. Just take these holidays one day at a time and keep the faith.
And on that note - fourthly - take the leap of faith into trust (as opposed to micro-management).
Your child does actually want to do well, they do have an internal compass of responsibility towards themselves and their future too. They also want to study more and to get the best grades they can. It’s just a question of helping them where possible to find their groove and momentum, standing by and being more like a team mate to them at this stage than a boss or task-master. Keep the good food, drinks and snacks coming to support them in their work, basically - and the good energy too! Keep that sense of love and togetherness if possible to navigate this intense time together, not at war with one another.
Lastly, don’t make this holiday all about them (and their exams and their grades).
Have some fun yourself, be well, go out, do what you want to do and maintain good spirits. This will also really help your kids not to feel so overwhelmed and stressed. It’s ok, they’re only GCSEs, it’s all good, you can all still have good times together whilst getting the work done, you can breathe now rather than waiting til mid-June / late August to do so…
Best of luck everyone and remember, it’s the journey that really counts not the destination, for our teens in their growing maturity, self-direction and responsibility and for us parents in our new capacity to trust, to hand over and to step back and let them take it from here.
That’s the real gold that shines through whatever grades you all end up with.
Happy Easter / Happy Holidays to you all!
Henry
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Henry Dingle
Henry Dingle is the founder of Young Fire Academy and an expert teen and parent coach, as well as a specialist tutor. He helps exasperated parents and their demotivated teens reconnect and thrive by fostering authentic relationships, trust, and accountability. With over 25 years of experience working with teens, Henry’s approach ignites motivation, leading to greater self-confidence and real-life satisfaction.
He empowers students to take charge of their learning through mindset coaching, effective essay-writing techniques and Maths helping them build confidence and enjoy their academic journey. As a parent coach, Henry supports families in restoring trust, improving communication, and creating a more harmonious home environment.
